I need help removing her.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
