I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My penis needs a shock collar
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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