Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
