So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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