There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
