im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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