I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
