you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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