I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
