Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
