a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
