We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I am available for nakedness
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
