I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
