i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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