and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
