Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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