as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
