Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
