There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
