can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
