he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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