omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
