What a fucking waste of an outfit
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
