You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
