i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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