A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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