Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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