You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
