Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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