I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
