Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
