I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
