i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
