The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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