i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
