If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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