If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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