What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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