Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize