I just made out with a guy for $7.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
