I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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