What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
