Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
