Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The air taste purple.
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