He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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