I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
