Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
