So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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