This is not my ceiling
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize