I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
