Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
