just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
