I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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