Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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