he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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