Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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