drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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