Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
