Will you blow on my dice?
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
