just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
