Sponge bath it is.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
