New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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