we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
