I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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