Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
