just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
