I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
