Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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