That's when you crack a 10am beer
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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