All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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