Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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