We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
