turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize